Hey, who turned out the lights? Jesus es me luz [The Lord is my light]

Hey, who turned out the lights- an often repeated phrase from a silent library deep in space. If you don't understand the reference I'm making, I'm so, so sorry.

Light-
1. one of my favorite gospel themes that yes, I am going to focus on again.
    2. A symbol of understanding of God's plan.
    3. Something you see in the streets when the sun is out. It makes a big difference.
    4. Something they turn off along with the gas (heat) and water when you haven't paid your bills for 11 months. (You mean we were supposed to DO something with all those envelopes coming in?)

So much has happened this week that trying to wrap my brain around it and tell you everything would be nearly impossible. So for the sake of a coherent email, I'll focus on a few key points and highlights.

On Monday morning, during personal study, we lost power. It wasn't the 'too-many-appliances-running-at-once' kind of loss, as we found out at the switch breaker. A quick look at a LOT of unopened bills and a call to the office confirmed that the power wouldn't be coming back on for a while.
Fun songs when you're stuck in the dark:
- Hark all he nations, in Spanish (171) Second verse. "Vivíamos en oscuridad" [We were living in darkness]
- The Lord is my Light (Jesus Es Mi Luz)
- Brillan rayos de clemencia [“Brightly Beams our Father’s Mercy”](also our mission song)

So we were grateful for Hermana Ingram's flashlights, bundled up, and waited, keeping in contact with the mission office.  Our light and power were restored on Tuesday night.  Living in darkness complicates things: We had to plan in the hallway to have light for nightly planning. We were limited on the food we could eat, wanting to keep it cold in the fridge. Studying had to be done in places with natural light. Cooking.... Didn't exist.

I'm sure you all see the spiritual parallel I'm going to make here now. Many people nowadays are living in spiritual darkness. It's unnecessarily complicated, often frustrating, and downright unnecessary. But sometimes it's all they can do, waiting for some outside source, some sympathetic soul to pay the bill, flip the switch.

Christ paid the power bill, and we were liberated from spiritual darkness. Missionaries try to help people realize this and turn on the lights in their individual lives.  So I'm grateful, in a different way than I've been before, for the gospel.

Lleida isn't gray anymore!!! Some wizard-of-Oz-worthy winds came and blew the clouds away (we found out that there are tumbleweeds in Spain) and the sun shone brightly several days in a row. But because the mission is a place of contrasts, there were also nights with dense fog. More weather metaphors, we set a baptismal fecha [date or appointment] with a sincere Muslim man who says he feels great peace when he reads the Book of Mormon and received a break-up text/ visit from Evelyn and her girls.  Hearts filled, hearts broken. Agency is tough sometimes. (I've mentioned before that my non-existent dating life didn't prepare me for the mission.... Mission's doing a pretty good job of preparing me for a future dating life...) ;)

The rest of the week was good, complicated by doctors appointments and analyses stuff (a blood test and breath thing for Hermana Ingram.  Apparently "air from my lungs" is medically significant [Dr Who reference]) and lots of fallad citas [failed appointments] but we kept chugging along. We had Stake Conference and Specialized Training (special missionary meeting President comes to) which meant a trip to Zaragoza for all of us. I learned a lot and especially liked the focus on becoming a consecrated missionary, though a lot of it felt like déjà vu and reminded me of my first Specialized Training (complete with flu shots). I wonder if they recycle topics yearly...

Our zone is one of the smallest in the mission, and although most of the Elders are unknown to me, I know and love all of the Hermanas. I saw and was able to talk to Hermana Manotas for the first time since we were companions. So much has happened, so much has changed since then, but that transfer - the trust of training her- changed me. As she stood and tearfully bore her testimony I had the profound impression that perhaps my greatest success as her trainer- perhaps my greatest success of my MISSION- was helping her stay in the field.  I've served in a couple of her old areas (Bilbao and now here in Lleida) and I know of the good she's done and the people's lives she's touched. And it's beautiful.

John 8:12 (again, but it's my favorite)
Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

-Hermana Een

Llegué a Lleida

Llegar- to arrive.  In this case, by an early train.
Lleida- a city without metros. We have a castle though, so that's pretty cool. To be honest, I don't know exactly where it is on the map, but I know it's about an hour and a half from Barcelona and that I'm back in Cataluña.

There is a castle on a cloud . . . . 

Castle/cathedral La Seu Vella.

Llegué a Lleida and the sky was gray, a chill had settled... And it stayed that way.

Singin' in the Rain in Lleida 

Yep. The winter I was worried about in Bilbao caught up with me here in Lleida. It's "see-your-breath" cold, "wear-a-blanket-around-your-neck-and-call-it-a-scarf" COLD. But then I remember that there are missionaries in Russia, and I remember that I can't complain.

High School friend Dawn Dimick who is currently serving in Russia, picture posted on fb today.

It was a good week. We met with a family (Evelyn, Ariana, and Laila) the Hermanas here had contacted a few weeks ago, and they are ready to go. The little girl is in Alma (in the picture version, but still. She's nine). There's a lot up and going on here in Lleida, and I'm grateful to be a part of it. But we've also had our share of last nights and citas [appointments] that fell through -ALL of them- for two days straight.  Those are defining moments for missionaries. And after the frustration fades, you get back out there and try again. You play contacting games and talk to EVERYONE. And then you are blessed. On one of those nights, we were looking at a goose-egg day, we hadn't been able to teach a single lesson. But with a prayer warming my heart we went forth and met two Bulgarian women. They've had hard lives and we saw them open up as we testified of the Plan of Salvation and set up another time to visit with them. Moments later we had a similar experience with two sweet Brazilian ladies. I know that even though it was hard to be there, God needed us on the streets that night.

There's a lot of adjustments I'll still need to get used to, but I'm excited to keep working in the  Lord's Vineyard.

I read Jacob 5 this morning (often seen more as a chore than a pleasure) and now as I understand the parable better, I'm able to pull more out of it and specifically pondered on the verse 47
47 But what could I have done more in my vineyard? Have I slackened mine hand, that I have not nourished it? Nay, I have nourished it, and I have digged about it, and I have pruned it, and I have dunged it; and I have stretched forth mine hand almost all the day long, and the end draweth nigh.

We must work diligently, and receive correction along the way. This is his vineyard, and every sprout is precious.

Lleida hosts the Snail Festival in May each year

Looking forward to more miracles, until next week.
Hermana Een

Bilbao Baggage

Bilbo Baggins- a hobbit of no small reputation chosen to fill a vital role in the quest of a lifetime. Though hesitant at first, he embarks on the journey, kindles the spirit of adventure, and does a lot of good. His adventure is something he looks back on much throughout the rest of his long life.

Bilbao- a beautiful city by the river, iconized by the Guggenheim museum, Basque culture, and the  cleanest little city I've ever seen.

Baggage- can be emotional or literal, and with transfer calls, it's usually a little bit of both.

Hermanas Een and Randall

Hermanas Randall, Een, and Wiseman

Fancy church we always saw on the way to our humble little "bajos"

Bilbao Ward

This week was a full one. On Wednesday we had a wonderful and inspired Zone Enfoque [Focus] preceded by an in-depth leadership meeting (while still in a trio with Hermana Wiseman, I might add) in which I was asked to do an emergency intercambio with a companionship of struggling Hermanas before the end of the transfer... in 4 days. With that in mind and weighing on my heart I completed an already planned and regularly scheduled intercambio with Hermana Schmidt (4th one with her, just how things work out, but the first one where we stayed in my area). Thanks to a member, a mini missionary, a willing and competent companion, and the convenient return of Hermana Wiseman to Bilbao that following Friday night (to pick up Hermana Roggiero from the airport) I was able to do that extra intercambio, becoming a trio for a little less than 24 hours and working like crazy to try and see miracles with them.


It was a sacrifice, it was inconvenient, and it meant that for the last week of the transfer the only full day I had with my REAL companion was Sunday, and at times I wondered whether it was worth it.  But after a contact I made one of the Hermanas turned to me and said "Wow. You're so persistent. I wish I could be like you."  So I know it was worth it. And although it was a little last minute, I know we were able to make a positive difference.

On Saturday afternoon we were reunited and taught Manuela the Plan of Salvation. She really GETS it, asks all the right questions, and really wants this for herself and for her family. It's downright inspiring. We let her know that one of us would probably be leaving and promised to call her after we received the transfer call that night. She promised to come to church.

Transfer calls. They happen every six weeks. Usually when I think we'll stay together, we do, but guessing what will happen when something HAS to change.... I'm usually dead wrong.
And well, this was no exception.
When our district leader called that night and told me that I would be leaving to serve in Lleida, I didn't believe him. I had him call back and double check, but there was no mistake.  I called Manuela and a couple of members. It was hard, and continues to be so.

"Mean Mugs" at the Elder's request

 I thought for sure that I would be the one to stay this time, especially after Barcelona. I was frustrated and looking for answers. I found them in a familiar hymn, "I'll go where you want me to go." I realized that I had promised to go. I promised that I would go and keep going until I had been to all the places He needed me to be. And right now, I guess that's Lleida.

I'm still a Sister Training Leader, my new companion's name is Hermana Ingram. She was trained by Hermana Stilson, fun side note.

Coming to Bilbao was for me, like Bilbo Baggins' adventure, an unexpected journey. Looking back, I can see that it has also been a treasured adventure, a great growing experience, and a blessing for me and many others.

Bilbao farewells

Manuela came to church that Sunday (having taken a taxi to get there on time) and happened to be  wearing a bright orange blazer (my favorite color). She loved the services and thanked me for  everything, promising to continue in this path and to nurture the seed that I had helped plant. She's a real special lady.

A Bilbao goodbye hug

It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea,
It may not be at the battle’s front
My Lord will have need of me.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I’ll go where you want me to go.

The front door in Bilbao
 "Faith Brings Hope" (translation)

525,600 Minutes

525,600 minutes= minutes in a year (according to some song lyrics that I hope are reliable because I don't have time to check the math)

 How do you measure, measure a year?

In transfers? In companions? In intercambios [exchanges]? In cups of Fanta? In contacts? In concilios [leadership meetings]? Or mission-wide meetings? In baptisms? In citas [appointments]?

How you measure a year in the life of a missionary?

How about love?

I had so much that I wanted to say in this email and I don't quite know how to say it all. Just know that hitting the year mark in the mission was a huge milestone and something I'll have to mull over for the next little while. I still have a little more that I want to do, change, and become, and I hope I can.

I spent my year mark on an intercambio in the nearby pueblo of Vitoria (intercambios have been a HUGE part of my mission these last six months, but I'll never forget my first real intercambio with Hermana Boyer back in Valencia. She changed my mission, for the better. I hope I can do the same.)

I read my farewell talk for the first time since giving it. We ate ice cream, lit candles, and read random selections of

my old journals. I also re-read my call letter. I believe that there are certain times in your mission that you have to re-decide to serve.

And I have. Looking back at my farewell I'm surprised at the clarity and surety I showed. I know why I came, I know why I'm here, and I know why I want to finish strong.

Not just to complete another couple of transfers and see more parts of Spain.

Not just to meet new people and make friends (companions),

Not just to switch things up every week on intercambios,

Not just so get fat on Fanta,

Or contact to the letter of the law,

Or get to talk with mission leaders and friends and eat good food in concilio,

Not just to sit through or teach in more meetings,

Not just to get people to baptisms.

Not just to teach and pass a good 45-60 minutes.

But because of love. Because I love this gospel and this work that is an inherit part of it. Because I love God and he has been so good to me. Because I love the other missionaries I serve with and the people

in my areas, past and present.

And although I don't always love them in the moment, I'm grateful for the twists along the way that bring us chances to grow our abilities, our strength, or even just our faith.

I could have said a lot of things about this week, but I want to focus on that.

With a slight call to repentance.

Repentance isn't a bad thing (I've learned on the mission). It just means a change in Christ for the better.

Having been a missionary for a full year now, I'm well familiar with extending commitment invitations. I'm also pretty good at following up. So, if you haven't written me in the past 2,3 or 6 months....

Well, then, ahora es el momento [now is the moment], my friends.

Tell me how you are doing, one great thing you've learned this year.

I promise the blessing of a response. ;)

OK now that that's over with, here's some other potential subject-lines from the week I think you might enjoy.

The life and lice of Hermana Randall - another couple of buggers. And it turns out I still need to learn patience.

The once and future companion - Hermana Wiseman came down for a couple of days because her companion has to leave temporarily. I'm trying not to be too excited. Love that girl.

Hermanas Een and Wiseman

Concilio crack-down - it's amazing how the natural man jumps out and you think "they can't do that! They can't make me do that!" And you are right, they can't enforce it... But if they ask us to, we will.

Because obedience is the first law of heaven, and the one upon which all blessings await.

HallowEEN - we were Frozen again in the most mission appropriate and subtle way... But the little girl who got it made my night.

Subtly Frozen

I'm really loving the New Testament right now, so I think I'll end with a scripture from 1 Thesalonians  2:8.

“So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us.”

You are all dear unto me.

Lots of love,

Hermana Een

First Impressions

Impressions- in Spanish, you call them susurros or spiritual promptings. Having the distinct idea or thought to DO something specific. Learning to recognize and heed them is key to successful missionary work. "First Impressions" is also the original title of the book we know and love as "Pride and Prejudice."

This has been a good week. I actually don't have a ton of time and I'm in a Locotorio [public computer] again (out of necessity) so please forgive the spelling errors (and mom, please correct them before posting to the blog. Love you.) So let’s just go over a couple of updates.

Hermanas Jorgenson, Schmidt, Een, Randall

Palacio de la Magdalena, Santander

And the lighthouse!

Intercambios [exchanges]. We did two back-to-back. It gets complicated. It gets fun. One was with Hermana Jorgenson (started her mission with me in Valencia, one transfer behind, went home for medical reasons, and recently returned. Glad to have her back!) and she wanted to work on Spanish so I made a conscious effort to talk less. It grew her confidence, we taught better, and I think it's something I need to have in mind better for MY companionship as well. She's super sweet, we got lost a little bit, extended two baptismal invitations (just go for it) and ran home.

Hermana Villeta is a true Shiblon -like soul. Bless her. We mostly contacted (I almost burned myself out) but we saw a lot of miracles and found some good news and potentials that will really help out her area. She was so humble and just wanted to learn and grow. Another great intercambio.

Halloween treats in Bilbao

On Sunday we had another cita [appointment] with Manuela. Normally after teaching the Resoration we would go into the second lesson but we decided to clarify the Godhead and teach her how to pray. And it was inspired. It was exactly what she needed. One thing led easily to another and I know that although we did our best, it was the Spirit, working with our willing hearts, guiding that lesson.

Three other occasions this week I've had distinct impressions (that I recognized as such) to talk to people. One was across the street and she was on the phone (almost didn't do that one... but we gave her a card), one on the last contact of the night (a sweet spiritual experience) and again with a lady who wasn't very interested outside of a bar. But after the prayer, she teared up and asked if she could give us a beso [kiss/greeting].
Funny how on the mission, that's an amazing thing.

Autumn leaves in Bilbao, Spain

There's an EFY song I want to close with.

SOMEONE HE CAN COUNT ON
I feel something inside me, like I finally found my way.
I know  . . My savior loves me, and I wanna show him I feel the same.
So I’ll go wherever he may lead, be the person that I wanna be,
 and try to never let him down again.
I wanna be someone, someone he can count on.  
I wanna be someone who can take on anything.
I wanna stand up, be what I was made for.
I wanna make it so it’s easy to see that he can count on someone like me.
I’m changed.  My heart is growing, and I’m becoming more like him.
I can’t think of anything more sweet than to follow where the spirit leads, 
Be the answer to someone else’s prayer.
I wanna be someone, someone he can count on.
I wanna be someone who can take on anything.
I wanna stand up, be what I was made for.
I wanna make it so it’s easy to see that he can count on someone like me.
He will give me strength when I need it, so I can be what he wants me to be.
Someone, someone he can count on.
I wanna be someone who can take on anything.

I love you all. Have a great week.

The two lighthouses.

Filled with Mercy (oncoming storm)

Mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown to someone whom it is within ones power to punish or harm (don't argue with the dictionary)
Oncoming storm: a Doctor Who reference I might have already made... So I used the other title just in case. ;)

On Tuesday we had interviews with President, which means it's been about 3 months since our last ones, which takes me to a trip down memory lane, how our interviews were 2 days after we found out that Eduardo died. Going into that interview I was calm and collected. I told his story, and I didn't cry. A lot can change in three months. Walking into the chapel, there was a letter from Edy (who I taught in Barcelona and was baptized the next weekend). It was pure and beautiful, maybe the best letter I've ever received. And boy, it sure tipped my emotional scale and I just cried right on through the interview. My time here in Bilbao sure is a stark contrast to what I saw in Barce. I received comfort and counsel and the challenge to find joy in every day (which until that moment, I hadn't quite realized that I hadn't been doing). That night we had a cita [appointment] to rescue a recent convert [Darwin], and ran home (adrenaline boosting into a great week).

Wednesday: A great English class (I learned I really love teaching it, and tying everything together in a neat little bow, making the spiritual thought connect to the vocab we learn.... Nothing better.) we went out on a limb and ended up giving out 3 Book of Mormons. (Insert 'Best Two Years' debate) Thursday: Rediscovering the importance of member presents [at lessons]. We've been struggling since we got here, because I've been trying to do it my way, thinking I was strong enough on my own. I learned the hard way that this is His work, and it must be done His way, and that is through the members. Yuliberth and Yulieth dragged us around our area. We gave out two more BOMs and found a new part member family to teach.

There comes a point in every area where everything makes sense. The names from the area book and the faces of the members and the stories you've heard all start to blend and weave together, and you finally start to understand. Part of what made this week so great is that I feel like we reached that point.

There's an investigator named Manuela. And she's wonderful. She loves us, and has a real desire to understand and learn for herself. She loves God and knows that the has helped her much throughout her life. She calls us her Angels, and cried when we gave her a Book of Mormon with a little dedication in the front. And she helps make everything seem worth it.

I got the quilt block with the whales in the mail--actually a little before--the picture of her with it.

To be honest, I may have spent too much time "soaking in the hot tub of self-pity" in my time here. (Thank Hna. Randall for that imagery) and now that I've stepped out a bit, things are looking a lot brighter. I've been watching the darkening clouds and dreading the oncoming storm.

There is a Mormon message that quotes a hymn. I was sure it wasn't in our hymn book because the words were unfamiliar. But it turns out that it is.
The tune leaves room for improvement, so I guess it isn't sung much, but it's been on constant repeat in my heart since the day I discovered it. (For the music-minded folk, you can also put the words to the tunes of other well-loved hymns for better usability.)

hymn number 285
God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform;
He plants his footsteps in the sea, And rides upon the storm.
Ye fearful Saints, fresh courage take; The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break In blessings on your head.
His purposes will ripen fast, Unfolding ev’ry hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste, But sweet will be the flower.
Blind unbelief is sure to err, And scan his works in vain;
God is his own interpreter, And he will make it plain.

Have a great week. You are in my thoughts and prayers (but not all that often, because I'm not trunkie yet. ;) )
Hermana Een

The Little, Small Things

Yes, we went in

Little/small: of a size that is somewhat less than usual, diminutive (way to go dictionary, defining an easy word with a big hard one), etc. In the case of the subject line, a somewhat obscure Nanny McPhee quote.

You know what is little and small? Eggs, nits, and lice bugs. They've made their reappearance, helped on slightly (I predict) by a sweet girl in our Ward who LOVES to hug Hermana Randall, though it's hard to say for sure and doesn't help that we're in a culture where besos (putting your heads together and making a kissing sound... also a great way to spread the little buggers) is THE greeting.
Here's a cute except from my companion's email.

“Spanish word of the week: piojos . . . Translated to "lice" in English. I found out this week that I had lice . . . again. Woot!  Woot! Party in my hair . . . And my companion's hair . . . And all our blankets and sheets and towels and clothes. I never had it before the mission, but I've now had it 3 times - all in the last 3 months with my last 3 companions. Hermana Een (who now calls me "Itchy Head") has had a lot of patience and little fear as she combed out a whole bunch of the little suckers and nits and eggs. With that and washing all our stuff multiple times and using special shampoo, it should be all good soon :)
I was trying to think of how I could be all "clever" and tie lice into the Gospel somehow . . . But nothing related to little bugs showed up when I searched Lds.org . . . But here we go :) I feel like there are a lot of little things in our lives that aren't immediately spiritually life-threatening, but that don't belong. We can't ignore the "cockroach in the ice cream" and justify our actions (such as watching inappropriate T.V. show/movies because they aren't "that bad', only have a few bad parts, or because we know other members are doing worse things.) Our spirits are very sensitive to things that drive out the Holy Ghost - and Satan wants us to be unworthy of this Guide so that we will fall easier, faster, and further. The longer we go without cleaning up the little "eggs" or big "lice" in our lives, the faster the consequences spread. It affects other people and the way we view ourselves. Change takes time, but as you "try a little harder to be a little better," you will be cleaner and happier :)”

The Milka bar bet for transfers!  Your buy a Milka bar, and the companion who leaves gets it.  If you stay, you share it.
(I started it with Hermana Terrazas)

Bilbao is just as beautiful as ever and the weather (even with a somewhat reliable weather app) is unpredictable. The day you wear boots it's sunny and bright, forget your umbrella and it will be cold and rainy. ;)

This is what the sidewalks in Bilbao look like.

Things here haven't changed all that much, but I'm starting to see the little differences our time here has made, specifically in the life of a menos [less] active (Carlos) and his girlfriend (Manuela) who have really opened up to us. So that helps.
Lately I feel like I could write a book entitled "Being tall and falling short." Feeling ridiculously inadequate for my calling as a Sister Training Leader, as a missionary... everything. And then I remember the testimonies of the three new apostles, how feeling inadequate for the call was central to at least two of them. So if I'm feeling humbled, at least I'm in good company, and I'm sure it's a good thing when you apply it right, which I will try to do.

And we did have a little ray of sunshine with an area book find who accepted a baptismal date, making our first fecha in the area! Looking forward to moving the work forward, but for now I'll do my part with conducting the music for baptismal services (the Elders had two back to back and the only musical preparation was to make sure we came. I'm grateful for a companion who can play all the hymns and then some.) We've met with the Relief Society president and talked about who we could visit with and it has turned into a wonderful, mutually beneficial relationship I'm so grateful for.

Our tortilla de patata

The infamous kebab

I'm also learning patience, as I comb through Hermana Randall's hair and wash the sheets and towels again, and we even tried the mayo treatment which really just made our hair really oily. Pero bueno. [But good.]  On we go.

Alma 37:
6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.
7 And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.

Love you all. Have a great week.
Hermana Een